Listen: Relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist, Joanne Wilson shares 8 Signs You Are a People Pleaser and how to set healthy boundaries

Relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist, Joanne Wilson shares reflections from her time in the counseling room working with people on healthy Christian boundaries. It doesn’t always seem to be consistent with our perception of Christian values to say ‘no’ but it’s actually healthy. 

Inspired by the work Christian neuroscientist Dr. Carolyn Leaf, Joanne developed these 8 signs you’re a people pleaser, helping to highlight the difference between a peacemaker and a people pleaser. A peacemaker being someone who builds relationships and is outward focused versus, a people pleaser is someone who’s self-focused.

8 Signs You Are a People Pleaser

  1. You are scared of being criticized.
  2. Your hypersensitive to uncertainty.
  3. You are sensitive to conflict.
  4. You sacrifice your values even over the compromising your mental health.
  5. You feel like you always have to say yes.
  6. You lack your own vision.
  7. You are hypersensitive to positive feedback.
  8. You feel like there’s an internal tension whenever you say yes.

Joanne shares “how we get caught in this addictive loop…we thrive on that happy feedback. But then as we wire that into our brain that we lo we always say yes. So then you constantly get that dopamine hit.”

Tips for setting health boundaries

“If you’re a people pleaser the first step is making sure you actually own it and action it” says Joanne.

“There are definitely a lot of tips that you can do to overcome people pleasing because, it’s not what you deserve. You are individually and miraculously created and you deserve to have your own values.”

“You can look after others, but you also need to make sure that you don’t end up with neurochemical chaos. When you are doing something that is not consistent with what you should be doing. And that is also looking after yourself. Work on your self-confidence, definitely do that.”

Listen to the full conversation in the player above. 

For more from Joanne Wilson tune in each Saturday from 12pm or find more from The Relationship Rejuvenator online.

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