Listen: Relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist Joanne Wilson shares her golden rule to managing differences at home and at work.

As a relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist, Joanne Wilson reflects on her time in the counselling room each, each week filled with diversity and differences in all areas of life.

So, the golden rule, in Joanne’s opinion, is in order to manage differences at home and at work is to “try”. It sounds really obvious, but Joanne is actually referring to the acronym: TRI.

“The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand, we listen to reply.” – Stephen Covey

T – Turn toward

Gottman Institute Relationship experts Julie and John Gottman coined this term, they use it a lot: turn toward each other to recognise the other person’s bid for connection or turn toward them and listen to their criticism, or a difference perspective to yours.

You might have the tendency to withdraw, or to attack back, but what they’re saying is to turn towards with courage and respect.

Turn towards with courage and respect.

R – Remaining respectful

How easy is it to ask a question, respond to a question, or even respond to criticism… and not roll your eyes? Don’t provide sarcasm, be respectful and ensure that your body language is looking like that – not defensive.

I – Inquiry

Be inquisitive… with the intention to find out what it’s like to be in the other person’s shoes.

Offer a respectful inquisition, which aims to gain the truth of the matter through investigation, find out what they actually mean. You’ll be surprised in the counseling room, Joanne finds people assume a lot. They hear one word that sends them off into a spiral, and then they’re not able to listen. The key there is to try and remain in a calm state that you can provide this inquiry.

There you go. The golden rule for managing differences in your relationships at work and at home.

Listen to the full discussion in the player above. 

For more from Joanne Wilson tune in each Saturday from 12pm or find more from The Relationship Rejuvenator online.