Listen: Relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist, Joanne Wilson shares the importance of relationship bids so you can watch the sparks fly.

So what is a bid?

“It is a fundamental unit of emotional communication in theory. It can be big or small, verbal or nonverbal, but essentially their request to connect with our partner.”

“Bids could be a form of expression, a question, or a physical touch. An example giving someone a loving squeeze, or you could pat them or give them a little bit of a flirtatious wink.” shares Joanne.

“Or just by asking ‘can you just pass the water?’ This is our way of saying connect with me, pay attention to me. All sorts of ways that we will try and ask a question to offer our hand of connection”… when people ignore our bids, that’s when relationship’s can erode.

So why should I respond to a bid?

In a “moment you could sadly turn away, which often we do because we are busy, we’re engrossed in something, we ignore it and we miss the bid. Or we can turn against and actually reject it in an argumentative way. It’s like ‘don’t bother me’, ‘don’t get in my way’.

“You need to make sure that you are attentive to each other’s bids or that person can constantly feel ignored and then essentially that they give up, maybe that you are in that position.”

So why do bids matter?

“Because they form a basis of trust, emotional connection, and passion.

“In a lab study by the Gottman Institute they found that couples that turned towards each other 86% of the time were able to be long lasting and happy couples, years and years down the track. The ‘disasters’ only turn towards each other 33% of the time in the lab.”

Listen to the full conversation in the player above. 

For more from Joanne Wilson tune in each Saturday from 12pm or find more from The Relationship Rejuvenator online.